Artificial Mentorship - The Lament of a Mentor-less Mentee

I currently find myself in an interesting season of life. Shannon and I will be celebrating our fourth anniversary in just a few months. I am a proud dad who gets to watch my son grow and learn by leaps and bounds while another little one is knit together in Shannon's womb. I am a grad student at seminary and get the privilege to study alongside great men of God. I get a chance to occasionally stand in front of hundreds of people and proclaim the incredible gospel of God. I am working hard to get my teaching certification so I can get our student loan debt completely paid off. I am 26 1/2 years old, which means that my prefontal cortex is finally 100% finished developing, giving me the ability for complete, rational, decision-making. So I finally have to come to terms with this ugly truth and admit it...

I am finally an adult.

However, while I do adult-ish things and do my best to lead my family, I have a problem. I am lazy. Unmotivated. Easily distracted. Un-evangelistic. Hard-hearted. Lacking direction. Lacking accountability. Lacking depth that I used to crave. Okay, so maybe I have a few problems.

To boil it down, I am childish and desperately in need of a mentor. I never truly understood this need until I saw others benefit from having someone to sit under and speak into their life. I have had great friends over the years who have been a great benefit to me, but this need goes beyond what can be procured in a simple friendship. After spending years in the ministry you get used to pouring out time and time again without anyone to pour into you. It is pretty exhausting to give out and never really take in.

Well, that leads to another problem. I don't have anyone to mentor me. Being new to Fort Worth, we simply do not know that many people. Those who I think would make great mentors are already filling that role for others (not to mention my own fears of truly opening up to others, but that is for another time).

So what is my solution? Well, I could just wallow in self-pity (I'm actually pretty skilled at that). However, I am finally fed up enough to act on this problem. Since I cannot buy a mentor or just conjure up such a relationship out of thin air, I am working an "artificial mentorship program" for myself where I can regularly sit under the teaching of great men of God. Here are some of my goals:

• Listen to the entirety of the sermons from The Village Church's resource archive as part of my daily devotional. While I haven't added it up, my estimation is there are about 350-400 sermons. I plan on listening to 1-3 per day, so this may take up to a year or more to complete. Why did I pick The Village? Shannon and I formally attended there before moving to The City Church in Fort Worth to be apart of their missional community. For many years I have looked at The Village and Matt Chandler's theology as some of the most biblically sound theology/doctrine I have ever seen. I have been moved and inspired by Matt's current battle with cancer, but his doctrine and teaching have always been rock-solid and I would love to sit under that. As a person who one day would love to pastor/church plant, I cannot think of a better place to learn from.
• I will keep a hand-written journal with notes/thoughts from each sermon along with prayers. I stink at journal writing so this is going to be a struggle, but I think it is important to document what I am learning.
• I will also spend time in my Bible daily. Instead of doing a particular Bible reading plan, I will follow the passages the books from whatever sermon series I am listening to at the time. Pretty pumped to start in Ephesians.
• For the summer, I will be reading books from some of my heroes. Keeping it in the reformed family, I will be reading some classic John Piper books. I have already ordered an "essential" set that includes Desiring God, The Pleasures of God, and Future Grace. I also am going to try to fit in reading one chapter of Calvin's Institutes of the Christian Religion each day as well.

I know this is a bit ambitious, but I am tired of living a cyclical life that consists of the same old struggles (see blog name :). I want to be filled up with rich teaching from Scripture and pour out into my family, community, and church through the overflow of grace in my life. I am giving myself some time to formulate a plan and I hope to begin Monday, April 27th. I will be periodically blogging on what I am learning and what God is showing me. I would appreciate your prayers for my "artificial mentorship" to reap results but also that a true mentorship will emerge at some point. I certainly hope it does.

I love you all so very much...

Jesus of the Scars

Okay, so it is obvious (especially to those who have known me for years) that I stink at blogging. Years ago I used to blog very frequently but I've fallen off the wagon and have never truly recovered. Isn't it appropriate that this blog is called "sameoldstruggles" as I continue to struggle with this issue. So, I will not bear false witness by saying that I am returning to blogging, but I just felt like writing a bit tonight.

At times I think us Protestants (even though Baptists refuse to call themselves such, but that is for another time) could benefit from following a liturgical calendar. Celebrating Advent, Lent, etc., if done well, can have an amazing impact on how we view our day to day lives with God. Personally, I need a constant, even by the minute, reminder of the greatest of the Gospel. Today is the day that people celebrate "Maundy Thursday," the day of the Last Supper and the Garden of Gethsemane. On this night Jesus prayed to the Father that the cup of His wrath would pass, but as an obedient Son and loving Savior, He accepted the task and went to a painful death.

(Quick tangent coming...) I constantly marvel at my own weakness and darkness of heart. I struggle with living missionally/evangelistically because I don't know how to seek out and let people into my life. The funny thing part of that is that I desperately long for community. I can talk a good game but the real test is living and quite often I flunk out big time. However, I can sense God opening up new doors and channels in the dark recesses of my heart and calling me to love people (and maybe even allowing myself to be loved) and that is comforting and disconcerting at the same time... which is how it should be, I think... (Tangent over.)

What I really want to address are wounds. How often do we wound others, and we do so often in the same way that we have been wounded time and again. Biting words, selfish actions, using others... these barely scratch the surface of what one human can do to another. I have done and have had these things done to me over the years. I have had serious wounds. However, through the very wounds of Christ, our wounds can be healed. Sure, on this side we still carry the scars of our rebellion, but Christ victoriously bears the scars that seal our redemption. 

There is a poem that a friend introduced me to years ago called Jesus of the Scar"  by Edward Shillito that I wanted to share:

If we have never sought, we seek Thee now;
Thine eyes burn through the dark, our only stars;
We must have sight of thorn-pricks on Thy brow;
We must have Thee, O Jesus of the Scars.

The heavens frighten us; they are too calm;
In all the universe we have no place.
Our wounds are hurting us; where is the balm?
Lord Jesus, by Thy Scars we claim Thy grace.

If when the doors are shut, Thou drawest near,
Only reveal those hands, that side of Thine;
We know today what wounds are; have no fear;
Show us Thy Scars; we know the countersign.

The other gods were strong, but Thou wast weak;
They rode, but Thou didst stumble to a throne;
But to our wounds only God’s wounds can speak,
And not a god has wounds, but Thou alone.

What has wounded you in this life? Will you let God heal your wounds? We have a God who has felt temptation, pain, loneliness, hunger, and thirst. On this night nearly 2000 years ago, Jesus had the chance to walk away, but He knew the healing and redemption that would come from His wounds. 

But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.

- Isaiah 53:5 

Don't let this amazing weekend where we celebrate the greatest act of love in history pass by as another weekend. As the poem states (and Scripture agrees), we should seek Jesus for He is the only balm for our wounded souls. By His wounds we can have peace and healing.

I love you all so very much...

Question - God's Will and Decision Making

Here is the first of many "question and answer" blogs that I am going to take a crack at. While I do not claim to be an answer, I am trying my best to research and dig to see what the Bible says about possible answers. Feel free to comment away and even add to/disagree with my answers. So, without further adieu, here we go with our inaugural question...

Here is what I have been seeking for quite sometime now. How can I tell the difference between seeking something I want and what God wants. At what time do you say "ok guess you don't want me to have that God" and begin to be content just as I am. Get that? So far I can not find what God is telling me about this. other than be content in all things. Is that all there is to it?

I wish that I could give you a flat out, definitive answer but that is out of my realm of power so instead we will look at the Word.

I have heard it said many times that the Bible is God's "road map" or "instruction book" for life. While there is some sort of truth in those statements, I find them more frustrating than helpful. The Bible does not promise to give clear guidance on every major and minor issue in our lives. It does not tell anyone what they should eat for breakfast, which job they should pursue, what church to attend, who they should date/marry, where they should live, etc. However, it does give practical precepts that can help mold decision-making. For a few of the examples above: So for breakfast, as long as I am not gluttonous (Proverbs 23:20-21) and have a clear conscious about the source of my food, I should eat and drink to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). As for a job, 1 Peter 4:11 says, "If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." So our jobs should not work grudgingly and hate our jobs, but we should rely on God's strength and should look at our jobs as outlets God has given to us to show our co-workers Christ on a daily basis to bring God praise. And so on...

Ephesians 5:15-17 says, "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

However, the question still remains because we have to be able to understand God's will. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." The rest of the chapter then goes on to discuss what being transformed by the renewing of your mind truly means, and this is definitely key.

I'm sure you may be frustrated at this point because I am not directly answering your question. The truth is (as I'm sure you know) that most times we are not going to have any sort of audible confirmation by God nor is there a litmus test that determines the right course of action. God is always in a ferocious pursuit of us and what He desires is that we, in turn, ferociously pursue Him by the transforming and renewal of our mind. This means at times we seriously struggle with what the right thing to do is.

My advice concerning situations where we are confused on the right course of action is this: Live out your faith each individual day. Pray consistently for God's discernment, and let him know your desires, hopes, and fears. Be as transparent and open with Him as possible. Ask Him for wisdom (James 1:5-8 - look this one up) and to reveal your true heart motives. There have been times with me that I have desired something that appeared good on the outside, but I realized after prayer, confession, and repentance that my motives were focused on my own selfishness. God had given my heart the answer, but I wasn't willing to accept it.

It may not happen overnight, but clarity should come over time. While it would be great if God made things very cut and dry, he desires more to chip off our rough edges and make us more and more reliant on Him. So yes, we should all be content in all things (Philippians 4) but we should fight for God's will and for a renewed mind in the process.

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So, there you have it. Feel free to comment away. Remember, I would love any questions about Christianity, specifically questions from atheists/agnostics and followers of other religions. However, I love to look up doctrinal questions from other brother and sisters in Christ as well. Submit your questions either through the comment section, my facebook page, or email. I love you all so very much...

TIME FOR A RELAUNCH...

Okay, I haven't blogged in forever (which is quite obvious to the very few people who subscribe). So here is a rather quick update to where I left off to where I am now:

Camp was amazing. Camp is over. Shannon, Owen Ray, and I are in Fort Worth going to Southwestern Seminary. I love my life. I am currently thinking/praying through the process of becoming a teaching while at seminary to help pay off student loans. The end.

I am relaunching this blog as a place to come with questions. If you are any of the above: atheist, agnostic, unbeliever, spiritualist, Buddhist, Muslim, seeker... whatever you may be, I would like to answer your questions about Christianity. I even would love to answer questions from other Christians who want to seek clarity about our faith.

I don't promise to have all the answers but I will do my best. I hope to have some of the first questions posted in the next few days.

I love you all so very much...

Meritless Movement

I am keeping this short because it is rather late and I am in desperate need of sleep tonight. However, I did want to jot down a few thoughts before tomorrow started and they were gone forever.

I am over halfway done with week 2 here at M-Fuge and so far this week has been a cakewalk compared to the first week. Everything is starting to feel familiar and you get the sense that you can do what you are doing on autopilot... and that can be either a blessing or a curse...

Tonight was strange for me because for some reason or another I was a bit nervous when it came to speaking. Normally I am not nervous to go out and teach and if I am then it is normally just some light "butterflies" that go away quickly. However, for some reason tonight I was pretty petrified backstage.

I have this prayer that I frequently turn to when I am about to go out that the basic gist of it is that I desire for God to be seen and speak and not me. Normally this helps me to relax but tonight it just wasn't doing it. I stepped out on stage just not feeling adequate or strong enough.

However, as I have learned time and time again, God is strong enough. We tore right into 1 Kings 18 and God moved in a way that several students were broken and praying with their youth groups even after time for dismissal. I have to say that I was truly humbled by the experience because I know that it was nothing on my own power. God gave me the words and His words always hit the intended target. I left encouraged knowing that it is God who is the One who moves our hearts and all I have to do is be faithful.

Which leads me to one final random thought... How are you supposed to respond to something saying that you did good (when it comes to preaching)? I always end up sheepishly saying thanks but I know that God is the one who allows me to do it at all. However, if I say, "Well, God deserves all the credit," then I come across as being false modest or super-spiritual. I just don't know how to react well... Any legit ideas would be much appreciated.

Well, I'm off to sleep now. I love you all so very much...

Same Old Struggles (explained)...

Forgive me in advance for sounding like a crazy person. Today was our first full day of camp and I am rather sleep deprived/dehydrated/otherwise out of it. However, I've been meaning to write a blog describing the "same old struggles" moniker for a while and thought I would go ahead and do so.

The main concept comes from an old Caedmon's Call song called Thankful:

You know I ran across an old box of letters
While I was bagging up some clothes for Goodwill
But you know I had to laugh at the same old struggles
That plagued me then are plaguing me still
I know the road is long from the ground to glory
But a boy can hope he's getting some place
But you see, I'm running from the very clothes I'm wearing
And dressed like this I'm fit for the chase

This song has always stuck out to me for that opening stanza. When I look at my past compared to my present, I find that I still struggle with many of the same things that I used to struggle with. While God has brought victory in some areas, some tend to manifest again in some form or fashion as a new struggle. However, praise be to God for His mercy and grace...

As a (former) youth pastor, I think I bring a different perspective to being a camp pastor. I am more aware of what students are directly struggling with and how adept they are at hiding their struggles. The use camp as a way to try to secretly deal with very big issues and then wonder why nothing ever seems to stick.

Tonight I challenged the kids to break the mold and not follow a standard camp tradition of waiting until "decision night" (gag) to start getting emotional/spiritual. We had an invitation time where the kids simply stood up to signify that they wanted to let go of things so that they could follow God and it was amazing to me to watch God move. There was emotion, but it seemed genuine and many kids were moved. I hope that God will move in a way that when they are digging through old letters that their current struggle will be nothing like their former ones.

God really wowed me tonight and it is truly humbling to be our team's camp pastor. I honestly do not know what I did to deserve such a privilege. I pray that God continues to move this week and that these students will encounter Him and learn to trust in God and His promises.

I love you all so very much...

When the Rain Comes...

When the rain comes you blame it on the things that you have done
When the storm fades you know that rain must fall on everyone
Rest awhile, it'll be alright
No one loves you like I do
(Third Day - When the Rain Comes)

I love the rain. I really always have. My favorite is a gusting thunderstorm that just seems to bellow and speak of the power and glory of God. While it may sound strange, these times make me feel very close and satisfied with God.

However, I realize that to some people rain (and especially thunderstorms) do not sit with them in the same way. Rain is seen as a nuisance and saboteur of these times of joy and satisfaction, a natural enemy that comes with its own supply of solvent to wash away your happiness. That is why we have terms like "Don't rain on my parade" and why we draw singular storm clouds as following around the cursed characters in cartoons.

Jesus even chimes in on the subject in Matthew 5 when He states, "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

In this passage Jesus is making it clear that both good and bad times fall on both the sons of God and the sons of perdition. We should expect nothing less as God unveils His plan. However, our tendency seems to be that we think that God is out to get us when the rain falls on us. Well, today, the rain fell in a mighty way.

I am going to make this short because I could easily drag it out and give every detail. For your own sanity, I will abbreviate. I got up earlier than normal this morning to have a quiet time before breakfast. Then, our caterers forgot to make us breakfast (no spicy gravy today... yikes). However, I got to have a really good sandwich that I enjoyed immensely. We then went to great ministry site called "Light of the Village" that is smack dab in the middle of some serious gang territory (with constant violence) and meet some really amazing kids. Then we headed out and got a chance to play some basketball (my first love). Sounds like a blessed and fantastic day.

However, while we were playing something happened. A young man named Lamar was playing some aggressive defense on me and did a great job of trying to block my shot... by accidentally poking me in the eye. I actually saw his fingers IN my eye... it was rough

Now I'll fast forward a bit... after several hours of denial, I ended up going to a doctor's office and then seeing an ophthalmologist where I was diagnosed with a corneal abrasion (cut). It is totally one of the more excruciating things I have ever had to deal with and was basically promised by the doctor that the next two days will be quite horrible (We start camp on Monday, by the way). I am actually writing this here blog while wearing me eye patch... arg...

Couple this with the fact that I came down sick a few days ago and I would normally start to have to complain. However, is it really worth it? Sure, today I got a pretty heavy dowsing of some spiritual rain. Perhaps someone who does not know Jesus got a heavy dose of sunshine. However, I get the relish and revel in the knowledge that God is constantly showering down His mercy and favor on me because I am a child of His.

So with that said, I will rest well here while wearing my eye patch, keeping my cough drops near, and praising the Maker of the heavens and earth while I watch this very real thunderstorm out my window. And it will all be alright because no one loves me like He does.

I love you all so very much...